I just read on a blog about the 20th anniversary of the author’s first date with her husband. Her memory is GOOD! Of course I went “awww” because that is what punks do. She made me think about my dates with some dudes I’ve gone out with and I realized that some of them didn’t really feel like “dates”.
When I was growing up, a date – to me anyway – meant that the dude picked you up. You know, drove his mama’s car to your house, rang the doorbell, said hi to your parents if they were in the living room (you know that is the only room he could go in), and escorted you to the car. No, it wasn’t romantic; it was just polite. But in this day and age, we’re so afraid to let men know the location of the secret bat cave to make sure he can’t find you if you decide you don’t like him (just me?) that we miss out on the “get out the car, ring the doorbell, he drives, walks you to your door and leaves” part of dating. I miss that. Something about meeting a guy somewhere takes 0.5 points off the date score…unless he’s scary and then it is a positive. Opening doors and helping you in and out of the car adds at least 2 points. And walking to the door really, really adds some points. How else can you get that good night kiss? (But what if there is no chemistry and he tries to kiss you? Well, you can fake a sneeze or something….)
You know almost from day one if you will have “that kind” of chemistry with the dude, right?
· Dude brings you flowers and, though you are appreciative, you are sitting here thinking “not going to happen”. Straight-to-the-friend-zone chemistry.
· You are sitting next to the dude and after about 30 minutes you want to lace your fingers through his…and after a week you feel like it’s okay to lay on his chest in the movies. (Shut up, I didn’t molest him. We just both like to cuddle.) Are-you-sure-we-just-met chemistry.
· You want to slap the black of dude after about 22 minutes because by then he had already asked you when the last time you’d been on a date and pointed out the acne on your chest…and you wanted to mention the missing tooth he had…but didn’t because you were raised right. STFU-because-you-about-to-get-shanked chemistry.
· Dude asks you for a second hug just because and you think “you can have anything you want”. (Get your mind right. I’m not that fast!!) Ooooh-this-might-be-good chemistry.
· When you kiss him your mind goes blank…after you think “why did you do that to me? You ain’t right.” Steam-the-polish-right-off-your-toes chemistry.
· He hands you the check as he reminds you that he took you out the last time. Oh-no-you-didn’t chemistry.
· You have to ask him if you can pick up the check because you’re afraid he will slap your hand off if you reached for the folder. I-know-you’re-the-man-but-I-want-to-treat-you-sometimes chemistry.
· You have to remember your home training because you just want to touch him at all times. (His HANDS!) You-know-you-need-to-stop chemistry.
· Your first phone conversation is 3 hours long and you think you’re going to Love him…and 2 years later you still do….And many years later you still love (small L) him. My-first-but-not-last-love chemistry.
· He spoons with you in the bed (fully clothed) and wraps you tight and you feel safe and you think “if you move I’ll kill you”. Comfortable-because-I-trust-you-completely chemistry and you’re-a-man-among-boys chemistry.
Chemistry cannot be ignored…positive or negative. Chemistry can grow and fade; that is why it is essential to pay attention every day for how you are feeling about someone you’re dating. Your gut doesn’t lie. My therapist once told me that if you don’t want to see a man nekkid, you might as well cut him now. Sounds harsh but it’s the truth, right?
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