A friend of mine put something on FaceBook that was very interesting: “one day he’s going to realize that SHE is not YOU.” It was pretty funny how we women were virtually high-fiving each other in the comments. I know I laughed.
Later I thought of the converse, in a good brother’s voice: “one day she’s going to realized that I am not HIM”. The one that you thought was love but realized it was bullshit. The one that makes you frown your face up when you think of him. Or maybe thinking of him makes you sad, makes you cry, because HE just wasn’t the right “he” for you and it hurt (or still hurts) to admit it. You know that dude.
He’s the dude that is an Atlanta Falcons fan when you are a fan of the Super Bowl-winning, 13 and 3 again, New Orleans Saints.
He does not recognize the record-breaking Drew Brees’ dominance and may even cry when the Saints win. (Punk ass!)
He doesn’t understand your need for “me” time.
He doesn’t shave or cut his hair unless he’s going out with his friends. (I guess a little rug burn on the face doesn’t hurt. /eye roll/)
He is allergic to the concept of commitment.
He has no friends outside of you and gets whiny when you don’t want to spend all your time with him.
He calls, emails, and texts inconsistently.
He visits for a little while just for a little ass.
He chooses time with his friends over time with you. (Don’t forget the conversation we had about options vs. priorities!)
He is your baby daddy but you have to remind him that his responsibilities extend beyond paying child support.
He denies you your basic desire for affection and attention.
He lies every time he opens his mouth.
He makes plans but does not follow through.
He says he loves you but you can’t see much evidence of it in his actions. And it hurts bad when you think about it.
He would give you more attention if you had ESPN streaming across your ass.
He’s the one that makes you scared to get out there and try love again.
We all have a “him”…or many of them. I do. I get angry and I might even cry when I think how at one time I was singing “I love me some him” and now shake my head at what I did or accepted.
I’ve talked about holding grudges before and having all kinds of naughty revenge dreams but the truth is I’m not really that evil. The goal in 2012 is to focus on positivity in relationships and to say to hell with those that hurt me in the past. I need focus on meeting the one that will erase the “him”s. The one that’s going to take me off the market. I need open up to new men AND to give him the benefit of the doubt. Not assume that he won’t do right or act right. Be cautiously optimistic, focusing on optimism. Stop focusing on what can go wrong and enjoy what is going right.
I’m feeling optimistic already. I’ll keep you posted.
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