Comfortable In My Own Skin

I have someone in my life that is rather – how do you say it? – unkempt.  Bathes irregularly, brushes teeth occasionally, shaves arbitrarily…. Hell no, you say.  Right.  One thing I think is depression, another is low self esteem (even though that dude is HANDSOME), and yet another “I don’t give a shit”.  But a big thing is “you know how I do it”.  Yeah, I’d say “I don’t give a shit” and “you know how I do it” are the two he’d cop to.  And to be honest, I’ve been there.

I’ve always been a casual girl…jeans, Chucks, tank tops, and ponytail was the standard.  And “that’s how I do it” was the standard attitude.  “Love me for me” was my motto.  Seeing as I’m still single, that didn’t work out for me.

I don’t think it was the look, per se, even though all my girlfriends dressed WAY better than I did, but I think it was the attitude that probably read as “I don’t give a shit what you think”.  In my mind, I was portraying confidence in myself.  That I felt comfortable being the casual one.  That I didn’t have to dress like everyone else to feel good about myself.  That I didn’t want anyone to judge me by how I looked on the outside, but how I was on the inside.  That I loved me for me.  It wasn’t until a friend’s husband suggested to me that I was trying to hide myself and make sure no one noticed me that I thought maybe my strategy was not so good.  Maybe I was garnering negative attention rather than props for being comfortable in my own skin. 

Truth be told, I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin.  I DID feel inadequate compared to my friends.  Felt like the ugly friend.  I just didn’t know what to do to make a change without changing who I was.  I AM casual. I LOVE jeans and Chucks.  But I also love to get my hair done.  I love to wear dresses and sandals and lip gloss and eye shadow.  I love to look at myself in the mirror and think I look pretty. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still “do me” but doing me is just a little different now.  For the first time in a very long time – if ever – I’m actually good with who I am.  Have plenty of flaws and I still want folks to “love me for me”, but I’m finally comfortable in my own skin.