My mother has been sick for the last few weeks. Actually she has had several hospital stays since October. I get stressed out because I’m 6 hours away and can’t get to her when I want to. The truth is, this last time, I was scared to see her. She was in ICU and on a ventilator. The visual I got was probably not as bad as the in-person sight, but what I envisioned was horrifying enough.
It’s times like these I hate not having a man in my life. I wish I had someone that really Loves me that I can tell how scared I was that I might lose my mother. How angry I was at the doctors because I don’t think they have been treating my mother’s condition as aggressively as I think they should. (But I did not have a class in cardiology in my engineering curriculum so I may be wrong.) How concerned I am that my mother is not doing what she is supposed to be doing to stay well. How nervous I get every time the phone rings.
But I don’t and my girls aren’t the same as a man (sorry ladies).
My girls don’t hold my hand and make me feel secure. Don’t hold me tight and tell me it will be okay…and, if only for a minute, I believe that they can make it so. Don’t let me talk about it in every conversation; I’m sure I could but I’d feel funny. Won’t rub my shoulders and back until all my tension is gone and I’m back to normal again. Can’t (and, thankfully, won’t try to) rub on my booty (what, sometimes that’s what you need to get by!).
(I have to give my girls some credit though. I have some PRAYING friends! I know their prayers have gotten me and Mama over the hump every time…and they are on the case right now.)
Oh well, I’m single and I have to deal with it. It’s not the end of the world. Plus, I’m about to start meeting with a new therapist in a few weeks so I’ll have another source of support. And hey, I always have my fingers and a laptop and can write it all out. (Yall should see the stuff I DON’T post! LOL)
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