I am home sick today.
Got the crud even though I look more like walking death. All that means is that I get to watch a lot
more TV than normal in between naps.
I was watching a Dr. Phil from 2008 about the responsibility
of men who father children. Seems
simple. Make a baby, support a
baby. Right?
Well, the guy on Dr. Phil sees it differently. His thought:
“I told her I didn’t want a kid so
before she got pregnant – and I told her AGAIN when she told me she was
pregnant I didn’t want a kid – so I shouldn’t have to be responsible for this
kid I already said I didn’t want.” Dude sounds like a slimeball, right? And he might be on the verge of breaking the
law. But look at it from the other side.
Girl says: “I don’t want a kid – and I don’t care that
you do – so I’m going to have this abortion and you can’t do anything about it.” She’s being responsible for not bringing a
kid into the world that she cannot take care of. And it’s legal.
(Okay, let’s not get into a pro-life/pro-choice
debate. That’s really not the point. Today it’s legal.)
Looks like the girl has all the power in this thing. I usually like it when the female has all the
power. It happens so infrequently. But in this case, I’m not exactly sure how I
feel. Should a woman be able to decide
to have a kid – knowing a man doesn’t want said kid – and force him to pay
child support for 18 years? Should a
woman be able to abort a baby even if he wants the baby?
Should a woman be
able to force him to be a father if he cannot force her to be a mother?
I watch a lot of Maury.
I love that foolishness. So
tacky, I know. In light of this topic I
listened more closely to what is being said – okay, HOLLERED – at the potential
baby daddies: “You don’t
do anything for my baby.” "You gonna
take care of yo’ baby.” "If this
is your baby, you’re going to take care
of this child and be in this child’s
life, right?” “You have only seen this child 2 times in 2
years.” “You didn’t give her anything for her
birthday.”
It’s all about what the men are not doing to support the
women and the child. Now, most of the
times, these men have called the woman all kinds of hoes, saying it is not even
possible that they are the “baby daddy”…blah, blah, blah…so it’s not like they
are anxious to invest in the kids they have already said probably aren’t
theirs. (Side question: Is a man
required to support a kid that he is not sure is his? When does his responsibility begin?) Sure there are some that want to be the
father, but the majority don’t. They don’t
want the mama and they don’t want the kid.
How “you ARE the father” changes that attitude confuses me…and I really
wonder how supportive – mentally, physically, and financially – these men are
after the TV cameras stop rolling.
But because Maury has told him and millions of us that he IS
the father, he is now responsible for mental, physical, and financial support
for this kid that he never agreed to father.
For 18 years.
Is that right? Is
that fair?
I could say, “damn right that’s fair” because folks
understand that every time you have sex you run the risk of making a baby,
regardless of what you SAY your intentions and desires are. “What if she lied about being on the pill?” Should have wrapped it up. (When are boys and men going to learn that
women lie about this shit all the time?
Is hitting it raw worth the risk of having a baby you don’t want? Sorry for being so crass but damn! Stop being stupid.)
But I could also say “uh…not really fair because he was not
involved in the post-pregnancy ‘keep-abortion-adoption’ decision-making process
so he should not be responsible for what SHE decides”.
I can usually wrap these up with a closing statement that
makes it clear where I stand but I can’t this time because I’m torn. I would hope that a man I was with wouldn’t
have to be forced to be a daddy to a child that he fathered. I would hope that a man I was with wouldn’t
have to be forced to financially support a child that he fathered. I would hope that I wouldn’t have to beg him
to spend time with his child or to try and force a relationship between father
and child. I guess it all comes down to
this: don’t sleep with anybody that you wouldn’t want a kid with and that would
not want a kid with you. Don’t sleep
with that joker if you think he is going to take you to Maury to prove he is
not the father (unless, of course, you are the town hoe, then a trip to
Connecticut might be necessary). Don’t
sleep with that joker if you will have to take HIM to Maury to prove he IS the
father. Don’t sleep with somebody you
are going to have to take to court for child support (unless you both just want
it in writing so as to protect both of your interests). Don’t sleep with anyone whose mama and sister
are ignorant and accuse you of stealing their son/brother from the family and
who think that when they prove he is not the father of your baby they are going
to take him home with them, back to the family.
Oh, sorry. That is what happened
on Maury this morning. (He was the
father.)
