On today’s Strawberry Letter (Steve Harvey), a lady spoke of
her hesitation to get involved with a seemingly great gentleman. You see, she was previously in a verbally,
mentally, emotionally, and physically abusively relationship and had a baby by
this man. She got out of the
relationship and is currently raising her daughter alone. The new guy is telling her everything she
wants to hear but she feels she is meeting his representative and is nervous
because her baby daddy/abuser did and said all the same things but changed as
the relationship progressed. She is afraid of getting hurt again.
Now, it’s easy to say “get over it” and “girl, you have to
give this good man a chance”, and, frankly, I want to say it too, but…see, I’ve
been there. No, I’ve never been
physically abused (notice I only said physically)
but I’ve been hurt. BAD. And I’ve been scared to open myself up to
anyone else for fear of getting hurt again.
Not just scared…. Standing there with my mouth open looking stupid kind
of scared. Can’t move forward, backward,
or to either side kind of scared.
(Please don’t sit there, lie, and say you haven’t been scared, too. If I can be honest, so can you.) I’ve even kept dudes at bay that I KNOW I
WANTED…and they wanted ME.
You know what the problem is with all this:
You
might not get hurt but you definitely won’t get loved.
And who doesn’t want love?
Sure people say they don’t care if they ever get married or have
children. That’s true. Some people are comfortable being single and
child-free. But I don’t know anybody
that doesn’t want to be loved, honored, and cherished. (Maybe obeyed,
too, but you don’t get that without a ring…maybe not even then, especially
fooling with women and men who have been handling their own business for a long
time. “You ain’t the boss of me,” says
me.) Everybody wants someone to put them
first and to have someone to put first.
Someone to hold their hand in love.
Someone other than their girl to hug (or give them that chest bump and
back slap if they are dudes) to congratulate them when they get that promotion
they’ve been working on. Someone to
whisper their fears to. Someone to give
“the look” (and you know what comes
next…if you don’t, you REALLY need somebody in your life STAT…preferably with a
little more experience so they can explain the
look and what it means.).
Maybe I’m just romantic.
Maybe I’m stupid. Who knows? I put myself out there like a fool for love,
risking getting hurt every time. Marvin
Sapp said that everybody is going to hurt you so you just have to find someone
who is worth the pain. Man that SUCKS! But it is sooooo true. So effing true. The one you love the most is the one who can hurt
you the most.
So I’m out there again…a fool for love. Trying to enjoy every day. Doing my part. Keeping my expectations reasonable (okay, TRYING to keep my expectations of BOTH
of us reasonable). Fighting fear and
paranoia. Trying to add him without subtracting
me. Holding myself accountable for my
behaviors. Trying to stay honest with
myself and with him. Waiting on enough
love to build up so I can fall in without breaking my neck.
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