I have to be honest with you. I never thought I’d be 38 and still single and child-free. This is NOT how I thought my life would be. I am not bitter because my life is very good. Sure I’d love to be married and I’d love to be a mama one day but what I want RIGHT NOW is for people to quit talking shit about me being single.
If I hear “you act like you don’t need a man” or “you’re just too picky” one more time I swear somebody’s head is going to get bust…straight to the white meat. The way I see it is I’m in a catch 22. I’m single so I have to take care of myself. I’m the only one writing checks to GA Power, Scana, Wells Fargo Mortgage, LA Fitness, etc. I have to take my car in for an oil change. I have to sit all day at the car place, hoping they are not fixing stuff that doesn’t need to be fixed because I don’t know jack. If I cared that my car was yellow-green instead of silver, I’d be the one responsible to get my car washed (notice I didn’t suggest that I was getting out there to wash my own car…let’s not get crazy). I have to pick up my own dry cleaning. I have to go to Publix, Target, and Walgreen’s for chicken, toilet paper, toothpaste. Anyway, you get the picture. I do it all on my own. That’s not saying that I don’t NEED a man. (Baby, I NEED A MAN and I can’t wait to get the right one!! I’m not even going to touch all the reasons I need one and want one because that’s not the topic.) I am just saying that I have it covered right now. I have to! Think about this. What if I was in the space where I NEEDED the man that I don’t have to do all these things? What wouldn’t get paid? Would I have to live in apartment because I needed to wait for the man I don’t have to buy a house? Would my lights get turned off? Would my car break down because I was waiting on the man that I don’t have to take it for service? Would I starve because the man I don’t have didn’t stop to Publix? And tell the truth – how many of yall would think I was a raggedly so-and-so for letting my business get so raggedly just because I don’t have a man when I’m clearly an educated and employed woman? How about – “Girl, you better get your shit together and quit waiting on the man you don’t have to handle your business! You better know how to take care of yourself by yourself.” Don’t lie! If you’ve never SAID, you’ve THOUGHT it about somebody that “got to do better than that”. (I know I have! I see a sister whose shit ain’t together it takes all I have in me not to say something.)
Now, the whole “picky” thing ticks me off more than the “needy” thing. I’m 38, in good health, kinda cute, got a lot going for me, nice, funny… Why in the HELL would I want a man who is not good for me? Notice I didn’t say “good ENOUGH” for me. That’s subjective. A man who looks good on paper might not be worthy but the man who only has 1 suit in his closet might be a better fit. Why can’t I want a man that is employable? (In this economy even the most intelligent and qualified brothers and sisters are out of work so “must have a good job” can’t be a deal breaker for me right now. Hell, Lockheed just laid off a gang of people. Praise God I wasn’t one of them!) Why can’t I want a man that doesn’t have 3 kids by 3 different women, none of which he married? Why can’t I want a man that is nice looking TO ME? Why can’t I want a man that can read? And has read more than the articles in Playboy (since you know they buy the magazines for the articles)? Why can’t I want a man that doesn’t have a crazy ex-wife or baby mama? Why can’t I PREFER a man without a baby mama? I understand that at my age I might be the second wife and I’m cool with that. Why can’t I want a man who wants children? Hell, if it’s important to me, why can’t I want it? And why is it considered PICKY to have standards?
Dammit, single women can’t win for losing. You know what? If people would keep that bullshit about the crisis women are in because we don’t have men out of their mouths, we would be in a better place. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. We need to stop saying that there are no good men out there. THERE ARE! And guess what…I’m going to marry one of them. Who knows WHEN – and I’m not going to front, I do get impatient sometimes – but I feel like God wouldn’t put this desire on my heart if he didn’t intend to give it to me…in His time of course. Until then, I’m going to try and enjoy being single. I can read all night if I want to. I can eat a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner if I’m too lazy to cook. I can walk around the house nekkid and not worry about giving anybody mixed signals. I can go out to eat when and where I want to without coordinating it with anyone unless I want company for conversation. I can get massages every month without somebody telling me what I don’t need. I can wear my head scarf without worrying about whether “he” is going to think I look crazy. (Bump that! I am wrapping my hair every damn night!)
I said I wasn’t going to go into why I want a man and I won’t say much but I will say this: a good man can do for you what your mama, daddy, brother, sister, Sorors, friends, cousins, coworkers…etc. cannot do. You need to figure that out on your own. Just make sure he meets your NEEDS as well as your WANTS. (I need to work on that my-damn-self.)
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