Sexless In The City

Anybody that knows me in real life knows that I love a massage.  I might choose a massage over a meal and if you look at my booty you can tell I don’t miss many meals.  I get massages when I need to relax, when I have tension in my body and mind, when I hurt physically and even sometimes when I hurt emotionally.  Something about those long soothing strokes up and down the body…

My last massage, however, hurt like a sonofabitch.  I would say my dude was more physical therapist than massage therapist.  More focused on the fix than the finesse.  The way he twisted, turned, jabbed, and kneaded, I must have needed a whole lot of fixing.  He said my hips were misaligned because of tight muscles and that I needed to stretch more.  So I think “yoga”.

I get a FaceBook message:  “What you really need is sex.”

As a matter of fact, I was told that how I was living was completely back assward.  That being 40 and celibate ain’t what it do at all.  I should be, in fact, having as much sex as possible – by myself and with other people.

Just when I think I’m doing okay in my life I find out I ain’t doing shit right.  Damn.

Sex by myself.  Easy.  No more discussion on that…until later.  I’m thinking about how to talk about that.

Sex with someone else.  Ummm…not so easy.  See, I don’t know anybody here.  Well, I do know one dude but I’m not into being in anyone’s ho-tation so…. (To be fair, I wouldn’t try to have a bro-tation either.)  And if I do reach out and reach back to the familiar, a whole set of problems come along with that.  So I have to ask myself if it’s actually worth it.

So I ask you, is digging up the past worth it to get a little ass?  Should I go out there and find me some strange just to knock the edge off, stretch my hip muscles out…you know, extend my range of motion?  Or should I stick with creating, um, good vibrations alone?

Single Until You're Married

When I chose the title of this blog, Single But Not Bitter, I wasn’t really thinking about what “single” really meant.  Maybe that is because, regardless of how you define it, I was (and now am) single.  During the time I didn’t write, or wrote sporadically, from ~September last year until around August of this year, I was in a relationship.  Come to find out, I was still single.

I have discovered by questioning some very intelligent people – my friends on FaceBook – “single” is a marital status, not a relationship status.  Single, Married, Divorced, Separated, Widowed.  Marital status.  (Question – aren’t divorced and widowed people “single” if they are not remarried?  Just saying.)  Nobody cares if you are in a committed relationship. 

Does Uncle Sam think you’re single?  Yes?  You’re single.

On any form that asks for status, do you check “married”?  No?  You’re single.

Can your significant other be put on your medical insurance?  No? You’re single. (Or in a spouse-like relationship because you cannot be legally married.  At least that is allowed at my job.)

Is this person the beneficiary of your life insurance?  No?  You’re single.

Is this person your next of kin?  No?  You’re single.

Do you and this person have the same last name?  No?  You’re single.  (Don’t talk to me about the women who don’t take their husband’s last name, ok, you know where I’m going with this.)

Got it?

Unless and until you are married, you are single.

That kind of hurt my feelings a little bit.  I kind of wanted to not be single when I’m in a relationship, really just to have something else to say other than “single”. (I’m sick of “single”.)  But what would that status be called?  There are too many options.

 “Single but in a new relationship that has potential”

“Single but in a really stable relationship that looks like it may just go the distance”

“Single but in love”

“Single but pre-engaged” (You know…he said he was going to ask you soon, just be patient, dang.)

“Single but engaged but don’t have a wedding date yet”

“Single but engaged with a wedding date and a deposit on the hall”

“Single but getting married next month…week…tomorrow”

Hell, that is too complicated.  I guess I’ll take “single until you’re married”…and try to stay “but not bitter”.