Sex Made Me Ugly

Sex made me ugly.  Really.  It really made me ugly.  How, you might ask?  Well, here is the story.

I have had many droughts in my life.  Times when I haven’t dated anybody, much less slept with anybody.  (Lawd, I’m so glad my daddy doesn’t know I write this blog!)  2010, and maybe even some of 2009, was such a time of remarkable dryness so I decided I would not take birth control pills because of my migraines.  (Estrogen drops cause migraines.)  Well, I met somebody…and I wanted to get a little bit.  So I had to get back on the pill and change my hormonal make-up again.  No big deal, right?  Wrong.

My face broke out so bad I looked like I was 13 again.  My jaw line looked like I had a beard of pimples.  And when the pimples went away (for a minute and a half…because they came back…and back) they left black spots.  Not “hyper pigmentation”. 101 Dalmatian spots.  On my forehead too.  I looked like a damn leopard. 

And then that joker broke up with me.  Left me heartbroken and UGLY as shit. 

This was early 2011 and I’m still fighting with this acne and these fucking leopard spots.

I got a facial a few weeks ago and was informed by the esthetician that our face was basically a map of our body.  The forehead showed what was going on in our bowels.  (If we had acne our bowels were not clear; we were constipated.  There is truth there but I won’t go into my tummy troubles.)  The jaw line and chin showed what was going on with our hormones.  I thought back.  Got dammit!  It was those fucking birth control pills I started taking to get some from my boo in 2010 that caused all these cursed problems.  Made me ugly as shit.  Cost me about $1000 in chemical peels, foundation, concealer, prescriptions, and facial products to try to fix…and I’m still not “fixed”.

So now you know how sex made me ugly.  If I would have said no to giving up the booty I wouldn’t be so ugly or broke.