I signed up on www.chemistry.com
a few weeks ago. It’s kind of attached
to match.com so my profile transferred then I had to answer a few more
questions to develop a “personality profile”.
I’m a Negotiator. That means I have
good people skills and some other stuff.
I can receive that. There are
other personality types but I can’t remember them all. When they make a match they show how the two
personality types would gel. It’s rather
interesting. I wonder if it’s bullshit
but I’m trying to be positive rather than pessimistic.
I went on one date. I’ll
call him Al. Nice guy. Cute (of course…we know I’m shallow). Successful.
Owns his own business. Must not
have like me enough because he hasn’t called me since we went out. Oh, well.
(Oh! I went out with
someone from match.com, too, before him.
He was nice, too. Nice
looking. The issue was that he refused
to call me. He wanted to text all the
fucking time. Even though I told him a
bunch of times – A BUNCH OF TIMES – that I liked to TALK not text. Fuck it.
I stopped dealing with him. I’m
39 years old. I want a grown A woman
relationship. I want to communicate like
a grown A woman. Period. Dot.)
But back to chemistry.com.
What I am finding is that they are matching me with a gaaaannnnnggggg of
white dudes. I mean, more white dudes
than black dudes. Now, I don’t know how I
feel about that. I don’t know about
dating white men. That’s real talk. My brother is involved with the most
wonderful woman he’s ever met in his life.
She’s white and I don’t care. I
don’t see her color. I see how she
treats my brother and his kids….and me.
We’re TIGHT. I love her like my
mama gave birth to her. So clearly I’m
not against interracial relationships. But am I ready to (cue dramatic music) cross the color
line? I don’t know.
I started reading a book “Is Marriage for White People?” (I think
I have the title right.) In the book,
the author suggested that black women are the less likely of all to get married
and a part of the reason is that we limit ourselves to black men. We don’t branch out and give other races a
chance. We hold out for that “good black man”,
emphasis on the black. (Or maybe the emphasis is on the MAN. You know some of us don’t put emphasis on the
GOOD.) Let’s not get into the
conversation about all the other requirements we have – like love the Lord,
have a job, love his mama, etc. That
will change the subject.
You know black men keep their options open. They date any and every race, color, and
creed. Enough said.
So, what do I do with all these white men that I’m being
matched with? Do I delete them as soon
as I see “white/Caucasian” as their ethnicity?
What about when I see their blue eyes?
Do I look at them the same way I look at brothers? Hold them to the same – EXACT – requirements
as I have for the brothers? (Now don’t
get me wrong, if they don’t have “Black/African American” on their list of “What
he’s looking for” in ethnicities, the get deleted immediately.) Do I contact them or do I wait for them to
contact me if they are interested?
Hold up! I just asked
the same thing I would have asked about brothers. Maybe the situation isn’t so different if I just
look at them as men rather than white men.
But can I really do that? Is
being single, holding out for a good black man a reasonable thing to do when
there might be an “other” that meets every need and want I have? Is it possible that some “other” will give me
that feeling that I get when I see that brother across the room? Is it possible that some “other” could
actually love ME like I want, need, and deserve to be loved? Is it possible for some “other” to not see me
as black, but just as a woman?
Shit, I’m probably as afraid of being rejected by white men
as I am by black men. Probably don’t
want to set myself up for double the rejection and bullshit.
We’ll see…. I’ll keep you posted. Of course.
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